By Your Side
by ChristyLoisGilmore17
Summary: Near death experiences seemed to be happening a lot more often to both of them, but this time Castle was losing hope. This might be Castle's final wake-up call for him to realize what he truly needs in his life. Castle/Beckett, also includes Alexis.
1. Chapter 1

This fanfic wouldn't have been created without my friend, Hallow777. She truly has been by my side, even though she lives far away. She's a Castle fan, and she convinced me to watch Fringe, which now I'm a fan of too. Also she edited my story, and did a great job on it. I was inspired by "Setup", the US & Canadian promos of "Countdown," and picture from Part 2. They were my springboards to this story, and what helped me continue writing was Castle Season 2 Mixtape (which includes songs that were in episodes of Castle, and songs that worked with Castle/Beckett). Many know of "Crash and Burn" by Lifehouse, it's one of my favorites, which is in this mixtape and it also has two other songs by Lifehouse. One song that has influenced me a lot lately is "By Your Side" and I feel the lyrics really work well with Castle and Beckett.

Disclaimer: You might find a familiar character from another favorite show of mine, so I don't own him. I wish I owned Castle, the show & the character, but I don't.

* * *

This was the second time, in the past day that they were stuck in a near death situation. Though for Castle, his hope of them surviving this was running out. All he could think about was the cold, and all the emotions that were running through him. The idea that he could lose Beckett kept coming up in his mind, but he shoved it away because he didn't know how he could deal with the possibility. Though his life was close to death at this moment, which made him want to tell her what he was feeling. It wasn't the only thing that was crossing his mind; there was also his wonderful daughter, his mother, and his friends at the Precinct.

Beckett had told him something earlier that made him realize what he wanted in his life. His Kate told him, "I just wish that I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him, and we could just dive into it together." Could Beckett realize that he has been there for her, and always will? Though he thought back on it, he did leave last summer and it caused her to delve back to her mother's case. So it had to strongly effected Beckett when he left.

She looked so fragile, white skin and dark blue lips, as he held onto her for dear life. He wasn't going to let go. Suddenly Beckett said something that shocked him out of his thoughts.

"I just wanted to let you know that…" she said.

Then she fell forward to his chest, she was letting go. She's unable to withstand the freezing temperatures. He wasn't going to let her.

"Stay with me," said Castle. "Please, Kate, I don't know what I would do without you."

He held her even closer. It was all he could do now. This killed him more than being cold, or the silence that seemed to go on forever. Castle wanted to be strong for Beckett, but he didn't know how to anymore. His hope that they would survive died a little more each moment that past, but he still held on to the small amount of hope that was left.

If they survived this, Castle would tell her. He would let her know that he will forever be by her side, whether she liked it or not. He even thought of a song. _"__I'll be by your side, when all hope has died/I will still be around, I'm still on your side/When everything's wrong, I will still be around/By your side…"_ It was ironic to him that he was remembering the lyrics so well when he was sitting, holding her because they were stuck in a freezer. Beckett told him that you know that you're love when all the songs make sense, and he finally understood it. Though it was something he knew all along.

He wondered how long they would have to wait until help would arrive. Would someone realize by now that they were missing? He had faith in Ryan, Esposito, and the Captain to find them. They would keep searching. He just had to hold Beckett, and stay strong till they got there.

Castle didn't know how long it had been, but his eyes were finally starting to close. So many memories of his life were passing by him. The first time he held his daughter, his mother talking to him about Beckett, laughing with Ryan and Esposito at the Precinct, the last time he saw Alexis & his mother, and so many more. But before he closed his eyes, he saw one strong memory, kissing Beckett. That kept his eyes open for a second longer, then they slowly closed.

It seemed like just a few minutes after he closed his eyes, even though it wasn't, that Castle began to hear sounds. At first they sounded familiar, but then later they were completely foreign. He was being strapped into a gurney and after a period of time, his almost lifeless body was pushed through a hospital. The medical staff of the ER rushed to help him and Beckett. Luckily the best doctor was transferred to this ER, his name was Dr. John Carter. The nurses were telling him the information so he could quickly figure out the best solution.

Castle's eyes began to open, and he realized he was in unfamiliar surroundings. He heard the door, and someone was walking into the room but he couldn't really see. Everything seemed blurry.

"Ah, good. You're awake, Mr. Castle. How are you feeling?" said Dr. Carter.

"Like I died, and I just came back life with a lot of pain," said Castle.

Dr. Carter walked towards his hospital bed with a clipboard with his file.

"It's understandable, you've been through a lot. Is there any family that we can contact for you?" said Dr. Carter.

That's when Castle thought of Beckett. Was she okay? He thought about it, she was family but he needed to contact Alexis and his mother. Castle nodded to the doctor. "Yes, my mother and my daughter went on a retreat so they won't have cell phones. But I'm sure if someone calls someone at the retreat, they can get in contact with them," said Castle.

"Alright," said Dr. Carter while writing down notes. Then he looked back up to Castle. "I'm sure you wanting to know your condition." Castle nods, he wasn't feeling up to talking much. "You had a strong case of Hypothermia…"

Castle couldn't take it any longer. Why would he want to know his condition when he really wanted to know hers? "I'm sorry, but how is Kate Beckett?"

Dr. Carter looked at Castle with uncertainty, but the doctor felt that he deserved to know. He could tell that she was important to Castle.

"She also had Hypothermia but it was much stronger than yours. She's in serious critical condition right now," said Dr. Carter.

Each word was changing Castle face into dread, his soul was aching, and all he wanted was to be near her.

"I need to be next to her, please. I'll do anything," he pleaded.

Dr. Carter had a calm face although it was hitting him hard to see Castle in pain, even though he didn't even know his patient. He had to make sure that Castle got his wish.

"I promise you, we will find a room for both of you until you're well. You won't need to stay as a patient after tonight, but you may stay or visit when you want to be with Kate Beckett," Dr. Carter said. At that moment, Castle felt a bit of relief, but not completely, he still needed to see his Kate.

After half an hour, Dr. Carter completed his promise. Castle was placed into a wheelchair and taken to Beckett's new room that included two beds. He was helped into the bed in between hers and the window.

He moved in the bed onto his side so he could see Beckett's face. Even though she looked a bit better than he had seen her in the freezer, she still didn't look well. His heart was breaking seeing that she was in pain, he rather it be him than her. "Beckett," he whispered. "I'll always be by your side."

In the morning, he was given breakfast but wouldn't eat it. They told him that he was free to go but Castle stayed sitting in a chair next to Beckett's bed. He felt like he had to stay there. No, he needed to stay and wouldn't leave. He only left to receive a phone call from Alexis. She told him that his mother and her would be arriving to pick him up from the hospital to take him home. Since it was on the phone, he could make his voice a lot stronger than he was feeling. When the call ended, Castle went right back to Beckett. That's where Alexis and Martha found him in the afternoon.

"Hi, dad…" said Alexis weakly. She hadn't seen her father like this before. The nurse had told her that he was better, but he looked broken. It took a while for them to convince Castle to leave with them. He didn't want to. They both could tell. On the ride back home, he was silent. Where did her father go? It was like his spirit had left his body. She was concerned for Detective Beckett but she had faith that her doctor would make her well. Her father worried her, the way he was, and it was something that no doctor could help. She held him tight but he didn't wrap his arm around her like he normally would. Even with that, she kept holding him. Alexis didn't know what she would have done if she had lost him. Would she lose him, if Detective Beckett got worse? She quickly stopped that thought. She needed both of them in her life. Just like her father needed them, and Beckett.

It was hours after that that Castle finally ate, and began to talk to Martha and Alexis. Then later, he went back to her.

* * *

Please let me know what you think of the story by reviewing. Any good feedback about the story, and/or any ideas, would be very helpful for me. Also comment if you want me to continue. I think I might but I'm not sure yet.

Thank you so much for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to all the readers who convinced me to write more. I think this will be the last chapter. Unless the next episode gets me inspired. I also want to thank my friend Hallow777 for looking over and editing this chapter. She was the first to tell me that I was going to have to write another chapter. Not only did she want to read another chapter, but she also knew others would want another chapter too.

I do have to comment that I added a bit more about ER, if you're a fan, please don't get mad at me if it's not exact. It's been a while since I've seen the show since the finale. But I really wanted to add Dr. Carter since I had the opportunity to. Plus I've been wishing that Noah Wyle would get a chance to show up in an episode of Castle, even if he wasn't a doctor, as long as he's not a murder, all is good. I've really miss seeing him act on TV. (Extra note: If you feel the same way, please call ABC, or write, or tweet to Andrew W. Marlowe, the producers & writers. Maybe we can make it happen.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, the show & the character, even though I wish I did. I also wish I owned Dr. Carter, but that's never going to happen. He will always be owned by the creators of ER.

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The taxi ride this time felt longer, though Castle had never experienced anything like this before. Having a need to be next to someone. He had to get back to Beckett, he had been away from her side long enough, but he knew his family was worried about him. So he had stayed longer to finally talk to them about what had happened. Then after Castle knew that he had to leave, he couldn't stay, he had to know if Beckett was all right.

When the medical staff saw him they knew where to take him without asking. Dr. Carter had told them if he came back, it was to see her. Though the doctor couldn't talk to Castle right away because he had a few other patients to take care of first. So Castle went to the room that both of them had been, the other bed still was empty since he left which he had thought was odd for a hospital. Though that wasn't too important to keep thinking about. Castle grabbed the chair he was sitting in earlier, and sat by his Kate's side. This time he brought his computer with him. He had heard that writing was a good way to release all the emotions he's been dealing with the past few days. Maybe if he was focused on something, time could go faster.

After he set up everything, and started writing, Castle was only half way down the second page when he was close to giving up. This wasn't working like he had thought. There was no way he could write when Beckett was like this, but Castle knew that Beckett wouldn't want him to stop writing because of her. So he wrote another half a page, he wasn't checking the time but by then Dr. Carter had come by.

"Don't mind me, I just need to check her vital signs," said Dr. Carter.

Castle looked up from his computer screen to see Dr. Carter checking some of the machines next to the bed.

"How is she doing, Dr. Carter?" said Castle.

The doctor finished writing his notes, and looked to Castle.

"She's getting better. It won't be long till Kate Beckett wakes up, and then she will have to stay for a bit longer to know for sure of her health," said Dr. Carter.

This gave him some hope, but it wasn't enough, he needed to see it for himself.

"Thank you, Doctor," said Castle. He was about to start writing again then he saw Dr. Carter's face, it wasn't of concern, it was more of curiosity.

"It's none of my business, but I was wondering…" said Dr. Carter unsure.

"What my relationship is with Kate? We're partners for the NYPD, but we're also more than that. At least I hope so," said Castle.

"I figured both of you were close, but that wasn't what I was wondering. I don't see many visitors here bring in a computer to write," said Dr. Carter.

Castle nodded, he figured that this doctor didn't know he was an author as well. Maybe Dr. Carter hadn't read any of his books.

"I'm also an author of several books. The latest have been my Nikki Heat books, that are actually based on her," he said while looking at Beckett. Castle's hand went up to go through his hair.

"Wait, I think I've read them, and few other books," said Dr. Carter thinking, "I just figured there could be other Richard Castles."

"Yeah, well, I've been writing to see if it will help me right now," said Castle.

Dr. Carter nodded. "That's right, I've heard that writing can help in traumatic experiences," the doctor became a bit more serious when he continued. "Well, before I go. I just wanted to let you know that your books got me through a tough time in my life."

"Really?" Castle said a bit more cheerfully.

"I'm sure you hear this all the time, from fans of yours, but…" said Dr. Carter.

"Actually, I don't hear it much," said Castle looking away, thinking of her.

Dr. Carter knew he needed to make this brief, he couldn't stay for very long because of his other patents and also because he was sure that Castle wanted to be left alone with Beckett.

"It was during the time, my wife and I had lost our baby. He was stillborn," Dr. Carter said with difficulty. "It really affected us, and later on when we had gotten married. So when I found your books, they were my escape from everything. Then later on, I got back into reading them when I went back to work for the ER in Chicago, and had to get a Kidney transplant. I'm actually here just for a while I'll be going back to that ER soon."

Castle tried to smile. He was happy that his book helped him, but Castle was also sad that his and Kate's doctor had some really sad moments in his life.

"If you don't mind, what was your son's name?" said Castle.

"His name was Joshua Carter. I actually was able to open a medical clinic in his name for the people that have trouble affording to go to the hospital," said Dr. Carter.

At that moment, Castle decided he would give some funding to that center. He would do it after his Kate got out of the hospital.

As both of them were talking, they didn't notice that someone woke up and was listening to their conversation.

"It must have been difficult to lose your child like that," said Beckett quietly.

They both turned to look at her, with relief. Dr. Carter was happy to see his patient well, and Castle was glad to see Beckett finally talking again.

"It was. I'm glad you're awake. Mr. Castle has been very concern, and so have I," said Dr. Carter. When he says this, Castle tried to look like he wasn't too worried, so she wouldn't know how worried he truly was. But Beckett knew better.

"I'll let both of you talk, and I'll be back to check on you again later," said Dr. Carter to Beckett.

The doctor quickly looked at the machines, and started to walk out of the room.

Castle and Beckett kept looking at Dr. Carter till he left, and then they looked at each other.

"How long have you been here?" said Beckett. She was trying to sit up. Castle went to fix her pillow, and she normally would have swatted him away from doing it but she was happy to see him there.

"Well, we were both brought to this hospital when Ryan and Esposito found us. So I stayed here as a patient with you for the night, and I was released this morning but I stayed sitting here till Mother and Alexis came to get me. They wouldn't let me stay longer, otherwise I would have…" said Castle.

Beckett's hand touched his hand that was on the bed. "It's alright. I wouldn't expect you to stay the whole time, even though I know you wanted to, but you're here now and that's what matters."

They both smiled. It didn't take more than a second for Castle to get back, to his old self again.

"I should go get you some coffee. Though I don't think they will have any good coffee, they usually don't. I should tell you the time when…" said Castle.

Beckett still smiling at him decided to interrupt him.

"I don't think my doctor would be okay with me having coffee right now but I'll keep that mind later," said Beckett.

Castle said nodding, "Right, right, yeah. I'll get it later then. Just get some rest right now."

Beckett just realized something. "Are you kidding? I've rested enough. We need to leave to help defuse that bomb we found, who knows where it's going?"

His face grew in concern. "Yeah, I completely forgot to tell them. I was so focused on… you."

She looked at him, and he knew exactly want she wanted. "You want me to go call them right now," Castle said.

Then she crossed her arms while still looking at him. "Yes, tell them and then find a way to get me out of here."

"But you shouldn't…" said Castle.

She quickly said, "No 'Buts' Castle, I need to leave. I'm fine."

Worry was till showing in his eyes, "Are you sure?"

She didn't know what to tell him that would make him know that she needed to leave, not only did she need to help solve the case, she also couldn't stand being in hospitals especially being told to "rest." She would rest when the case was over, and she was at home with a good book, maybe even one of Castle's, to read.

He called the Precinct, and they told him that they were already on it. Castle told them that Beckett was better and they would be going soon to help them. Then he went to talk to Dr. Carter, and after half an hour, Castle and Beckett said goodbye to him and they left the hospital. Now they were ready to stop this bomb, even if that meant working with Agent Fallon.

After they solved the case, stopped the bomb, and got the guy responsible, they finally got a chance to talk when they were walking out of the Precinct.

"You know Beckett, it was really tough for me to see you so ill," said Castle. She was about to say something but he continued. "I almost thought I was going to lose you. It scared me so much. I promised myself two things, and now I have time to complete them."

She turned to look at him, and asked, "What were they?"

"I thought to myself after you said your last words while we were in the freezer, that if we survived, I would tell you how I feel about you," said Castle.

Beckett stopped walking, and Castle did when he noticed. She didn't know what to say.

"I have strong feelings for you, Kate. I know you're still dealing with Josh, and everything that has happened. Don't even believe that these feelings just came from our near death experience, I've had them for a long time. I just wanted to let you know, and you can figure out, with as much time as you want, what to do about it." He was going to continue, but didn't know what else to say.

"You're right, Castle. I do need some time to think it over but I do want to finish what I wanted to tell you in the freezer," said Beckett.

Castle shook his head, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"No, trust me. You want to know. I was going to say that I wanted to let you know that I love you," she said that and there was silence for a second then she continued, "I know it's right after Josh, and I still need a bit of time but the feelings will stay the same. I realized in that freezer that you have been there for me, and that I want to be there for you when you need it, and I want to work and be with you."

Castle smiled. "As a writer, I should be able to think of something grand to tell you after that, but I can't, and I know you like simple. So this is it. I don't know what I would do with out you. You are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life."

Beckett laughed for the first time in days. "I know." He laughed because that reminded him of Star Wars. Both of them knew they had some things to work through, but they were on the road to the point where his fiction could become reality.

"By the way, what was the second thing?" said Beckett.

Her words had broken his thoughts.

"Oh, I'm planning to go to the Joshua Carter Center and give them a donation," said Castle.

She's smiled at him. "I'll go with you."

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Thank you for reading!

Please leave a review if you have any comments, feedback, or anything to say about this chapter and the story. I really appreciate it.


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